“The baby is in your tube” – the six words that turned my world upside down.

After having my right ovary and fallopian tube removed due to ovarian torsion in 2014, I remained hopeful. The doctor assured me that my left side would take over for what my right now lacked. At 22 years old, I clung to that information tightly, dreaming of having biological children for as long as I could remember.

Five years later, I was pregnant. More thrilled than I could ever explain, but the nagging pain on my left side was not going away and in fact, it was worsening. Finally after a week, I couldn’t take it anymore. Walking into the emergency room at 5am.. I was tired, in pain, and scared… yet still hopeful. Immediately they started a variety of tests and soon I was being wheeled upstairs for an ultrasound. I couldn’t stand it, I blurted out, “Can you just tell me?!”. The technician took a deep breath. She said, “I’m so sorry but it looks like the baby is in your tube.” I burst into tears. 

The next moments.. days… months were a blur. I received medication to “end the pregnancy” as a tubal/ectopic pregnancy will never make it to term and can be fatal for mom. I was sent home after one night only to end up back in the ER two days later when my tube ruptured. After an ambulance ride, loss of 1.5 liters of blood, emergency surgery, loads of pain medication, two blood transfusions, and two more nights in the hospital, I was home, struggling with my physical health and my mental health. No baby in my womb… 9 months later, no baby in my arms.

The variety of emotions I felt over the next several months and year, and even continue to feel now, are difficult to describe. I wouldn’t wish any of this on my worst enemy. However, I am 100% sure that God will bring something wonderful from all of this pain. As we began our new path of In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) in January 2020, we are so incredibly grateful and remain hopeful in a little bit of science and a whole lot of Jesus. We are choosing each day to find joy in this journey.